TRUE FORM: A MONSTER?
When Kyou isn't wearing his beaded bracelet, the "true form" of the cat spirit comes out. When in this form, Kyou is scary, smells awful (to the point that people usually throw up), and is ugly. These are just facts. What Kyou hates the most is when people see it, like Kagura and his mother, and don't state the obvious. He wants people to admit to him that they are scared
, but he also wanted more than ever to have someone accept him for it. When his mother first saw him transform, she tried to tell him she accepted him and loved him so much. However, she was clearly afraid, because she told Kyou to never take off his bracelet. She also started to shelter him at home, unwilling to let him out into the world. She would just tell him it was okay because she loved him
, which angered him more. What Kyou wanted more than ever was for her to not only tell him she was afraid, but to ask him how he was feeling. No one once considered talking to him about it, but instead, wanted to make excuses for their reaction.
Kyou: I was seen! I was seen! She saw me! It is over... It is all over... Everything... is ruined!
Kyou's longing for acceptance quickly was granted after meeting Tohru Honda
. She was interested in getting to know all about Kyou simply because he was... well, Kyou! For example, she even bought books on marital arts in order to learn more about the things he loved to do. Tohru simply wanted to get to know him, curse or no curse, because she liked him. Kyou was surprised by this type of attention from her because he wasn't used to it. After Kazuma, his mentor, saw the way he acted around Tohru, he decided that he would risk his relationship with Kyou in order to perhaps free him from this "curse." He tells Kyou that he can no longer hide behind the bracelet, or pretend he doesn't have a monster in side of him, as he rips off the beads. At this moment, Tohru walks up, and watches her friend transform into the hideous monster. Kyou believes that he will no longer find acceptance from her, as he runs off to be alone in the forest. Tohru runs after him, gagging from the stench, and stopping to throw up a few times. This is a very important part of her affection towards Kyou! We see her fall and literally throw up multiple times, admitting moments of defeat and fear, but in the end, she gets up and keeps running after him. She never wanted to be apart from him, and was determined to be there for him not only during his best times, but most importantly during his worst times. When she finally reaches him, Kyou becomes extremely self-conscious and shows self-pity. It is very hard for him to believe that someone, especially Tohru, would run after someone like him.
Kyou: What... What are you doing here? Can you stand the smell? Why are you.. Following me?!
Kyou: I told you not to come any closer! What are you doing? Can you not see? Can't you smell? It's weird isn't it? It's disgusting, isn't it? Why can't you just leave me alone! I DON'T WANT YOUR PITY!
Tohru: Kyou-kun... Kyou-kun... But... But I!
Kyou: DON'T TOUCH ME!
Kyou realizes that he is pushing her away from him because he loves her and he believes that he isn't worth her love in return. He feels like pushing her away will enable her to finally give up on him. He doesn't want her to have to take on the burden of looking at her, and he isn't allowing himself to be selfish and allow someone to love him. Kyou admits that he hates pitying himself, and he doesn't want to lose her or be pitied, and he most importantly doesn't want to accept love from her that may be false
. Here we see the real monster in Kyou
isn't the physical one on the outside, but the mental defeat inside himself. He is unwilling to allow himself to love or be loved. He isn't accepting the fact that someone could love him, or that he could love someone else. Instead, he hides behind the curse and his past, unable to move forward. Tohru comes in and tells him exactly what he has been needing.
Tohru: That's not true... You are a human being! Sometimes you look like that because you are possessed by the cat spirit... I want to... face all of this... with you together... Let us live through this... Together!
Kyou realizes in that moment that he is the true idiot, never realizing that someone could actually say something like that to him. He always wanted his mother to just admit that she was afraid of him, just like Tohru had said. She acknowledges that she is afraid of what he is, but that isn't who he always is. Regardless of the form he is forced to have with his cat spirit, he is still Kyou. And because of that, she wants to stand by his side, together, always! Kyou goes back into his human form, and he grabs onto her tightly. He thinks to himself that she "easily took all of that ugliness in my heart... believed in the person beneath the surface... and cleared it all from me... Why would somebody like you be here with me? And cry for me?
" At this point, Kyou still believes that Tohru is making a mistake being there for him, but he admits that he will always cherish this moment forever that he is having with her. He knows that there is no way he will be able to forget the warmth that he has received from her, ever.
b a c k . c l e a r . f o r w a r d